CANCERPUNCH

thefrogman: Gunshow Comic by KC Green [website | tumblr |...

Sat, 25 May 2013 17:23:28 -0400

Gunshow Comic by KC Green [website | tumblr | twitter] for Hic and Hoc Illustrated Journal of Humor

archgayngel: shoutout to all the people who use the internet as a sanctuary, a means to escape from...

Sat, 25 May 2013 17:12:04 -0400

shoutout to all the people who use the internet as a sanctuary, a means to escape from an otherwise harsh reality, a way to significantly communicate and formulate relationships that may be personally difficult or impossible to accomplish in-person

Sometimes I just feel alone and ignored and invisible and voiceless.

Sat, 25 May 2013 13:11:57 -0400

Sometimes I just feel alone and ignored and invisible and voiceless.

My body is just sitting here hurting for no apparent reason and it’s pissing me...

Thu, 23 May 2013 18:47:15 -0400

My body is just sitting here hurting for no apparent reason and it’s pissing me off

>:(

Actually, now that I think about it… I dared to do my physical therapy exercises earlier. Well, that explains all the dramatics going on around my arm/ shoulder/ noboob.

Ugh.

I am looking through my box of medical paperwork from the time between finding my lump and my...

Thu, 23 May 2013 14:42:00 -0400

I am looking through my box of medical paperwork from the time between finding my lump and my surgery (8 month or so window)…

Aaaand I realize I really had little idea what was going on at the time. Even now, the things they were saying are kind of confusing.

They seemed to have been convinced that I had lymph node involvement and likely had metastatic disease… but by the time I had surgery there was no sign of any cancer in my lymph nodes. Does that mean it was there and the chemo got it? I don’t know.

I’m also sleep deprived, so maybe I should look at this stuff later.

I wish I had friends to look at this stuff with me, and talk with me, and listen to me. My husband can’t deal with it, my friend who lives with us (and has been my bff for like 17 years) rarely talks to or hangs out with me in any meaningful way any more. My other bffs are far away. My local friends aren’t really that close to me, especially in recent years with all of my ickiness. Not only am I much less ‘fun’ now, but I realize that I really don’t know how to have friends any more. Hell, I even suck at online friendships haha.

It should bother me more than it does I guess. Sometime I feel vaguely lonely, but mostly I’m so comfortable being by myself that I feel no reason to try to break out of it. Plus I’m so terrible at dealing with my emotions (much less anyone else’s!) that I accidentally come off as kind of an asshole. It would be nice, though, to have someone to bounce these things off of, someone to know who I am. Nobody really does any more. Aah, anyway… I’m going to go take a very long bath and play very loud music and forget all this for now.

Society: you had your chance when you were young

Thu, 23 May 2013 09:21:38 -0400

Society: you had your chance when you were young
Me: no bitch, I still have my chance. I'm alive.

drawsaurus: the universe is a giant butt sitting on the face of everyone i love.

Thu, 23 May 2013 06:21:36 -0400

drawsaurus:

the universe is a giant butt sitting on the face of everyone i love.

Ok so I’ve been suppressing panic since yesterday. A few hours after learning about my ovary...

Wed, 22 May 2013 07:50:14 -0400

Ok so I’ve been suppressing panic since yesterday.

A few hours after learning about my ovary and that something “weird” was going on with it, I talked to the nurse midwife who did my pap. She said there were “abnormal” cells, but not enough to tell what it was. Her recommendation was to get another pap from her in 6 months, and continue seeing the people I’m seeing about my other issues.

I’ve had abnormal cells before many years ago, and had a colposcopy (worst experience of my life). As far as I remember, it was just some weird infection and I had to go on antibiotics.

But with the testosterone and the ovary and the fact that my cancer is very similar to ovarian cancer and everything, all I’m seeing is neon signs all around me pointing at me flashing CANCER CANCER CANCER.

Photo

Tue, 21 May 2013 16:02:33 -0400

Went to my appointment at the fertility place… My blood tests surprisingly indicate I’m...

Tue, 21 May 2013 12:46:56 -0400

Went to my appointment at the fertility place… My blood tests surprisingly indicate I’m not in menopause, but the thinning of my uterine lining and lack of periods say I am at least perimenopausal.

My testosterone levels are “concerning” and higher than is seen even with PCOS (which I have). My left ovary has something weird going on, so they are referring me to a gynecological oncologist to investigate further.

Sigh.

*shakes fist at cancer*

-_-

Tue, 21 May 2013 01:09:43 -0400

Kidney stone?! Really, body?!!

I’ve had kidney pain since yesterday, and passed a stone a little while ago.

I’m also sporting a lovely holter monitor until June 13th.

i’ve had some issues with dizziness and pounding heart if I rapidly change positions- especially if I lay back suddenly.

Of course, this problem was worse a few months ago, and by the time I got a referral and got in to see someone it had calmed down. I had an ekg and an echo last Wednesday, and they gave me the monitor to try to catch something.

The damn thing is supposed to auto record when my heart goes wonky, and I also have the option to press a button to record if I feel something. The thing is, now and then I feel a skip, but it’s over so fast that neither I or the monitor catch it. It did record a couple of things the other day (when I felt nothing), so there’s that. It also can only hold 3 recordings before I have to find a landline and upload the data to the monitoring company. Who has a damn land line any more? My husband had to bring the monitor to work with him today to upload the data, which means I wasn’t wearing it, which kind of defeats the purpose.

But still, at least I can feel like I’m being proactive about this thing haha.

I just worry that the chemo damaged my heart. I think the cardiologist I saw thinks I’m paranoid. If this damn monitor doesn’t pick up anything, it will look like he is right. This heart thing was scaring the crap out of me for a while, it just figures that I finally get in to see someone when I’m feeling better.

Anyway, I’m still having kidney pain, so I’m off to drink a bunch of water. I also have to try to get sleep, because I have another appointment at the fertility clinic in the morning- I get to find out if I’m in early menopause, yaaay. I probably am, I have pcos and nothing has ever worked right down there, even before chemo. Aah, well.

Crossing fingers for some kind of good news! I mean come on, give me a break please Universe?

Apparently Kris Carr of “Crazy Sexy Cancer” has a quote attributed to her which...

Sun, 19 May 2013 02:45:27 -0400

Apparently Kris Carr of “Crazy Sexy Cancer” has a quote attributed to her which says:

“It’s all mental management…. Whether you can do something or not… is in your head.” - Kris Carr

Well, no, sorry.

Some people have things like disabilities, or after effects of ravaging cancer treatments, or poverty, or severe pain, or any number of other factors that means they actually cannot do some things.

And that is OK.

We aren’t all wealthy privileged conventionally beautiful otherwise able bodied white women with super slow growing cancer that hasn’t yet required any treatment.

I saw the “Crazy Stupid Cancer” documentary earlier tonight. There wasn’t really anything relatable or helpful about it. I’m sure for people who know and love her, it’s awesome… but as a documentary? There wasn’t much going on. I think it got attention mostly because she was pretty and charming, and had a diagnosis that sounded scary but didn’t actually do anything to mar her adorableness or her life in any way that would be scary to the average viewer.

Am I the only one who found the whole thing mostly annoying?

Stop Tap Dancing Around Death

Sat, 18 May 2013 10:53:04 -0400

anotheronewiththecancer:

BAM! BAM! I’ve lost my temper twice in the past five minutes, just scanning various forms of media while I start my post-shower cup of coffee.

BAM #1—Time magazine caption of a photo saying Jolie “lost” her mother to cancer

BAM #2—Rolling Stone’s blog acknowledging that so many years ago today the world “lost” a powerful voice because Ian Curtis committed suicide.

Jolie did not misplace her mother in her shoe closet and I didn’t drop Curtis behind my couch, never to be found again. Those people DIED. By continuing to gloss over what really happened—DEATH—the media continues to lull readers into a false sense of safety. No one dies, they lose a battle or whatever. Perhaps I’ll start an aggressive letter or email campaign every time I see this nonsense (I kind of did in when Roger Ebert died, sent a scathing email to Entertainment Weekly, which I’m sure was ignored).

The words cancer and death/die/died need to be in the same sentence as often as possible, until everyone understands that cancer causes more than nausea, hair loss, weight loss, fatigue and all that other crap. Cancer causes death. Then maybe they’ll stop criticizing preventative mastectomy.

Here, read what I wrote last month. Still feel the same, but even more so. (Stomping off into the corner).

YEP

Boooo Cancer. You suck!: Shame. On. YOU.

Sat, 18 May 2013 08:51:32 -0400

Boooo Cancer. You suck!: Shame. On. YOU. :

lux-fiam:

boocanceryousuck:

Ever since the news broke yesterday that Angelina Jolie had undergone an elective double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery the internet has been flipping out. I made the mistake of going to the New York Times page on Facebook and was appalled at what I saw in the comments section beneath the…

I was going to make a post about this, but this post says it all. CAN I GET AN AMEN!

Yeeeaaah, I think people were real quick to jump on the Angelina-hating bandwagon. Of course, there is definitely room for discussion as far as the availability and affordability of these options to less wealthy women. HOWEVER, there is no reason to criticize Angelina Jolie’s personal decision to try everything she can to avoid cancer. I don’t know how anyone can blame her for that.

Not Dying From Disease: Think Positive!

Sat, 18 May 2013 08:44:37 -0400

Not Dying From Disease: Think Positive!:

lux-fiam:

You all have heard/read my many rants about the annoying phenomenon that is the Cancer Warrior, wherein people tell you you’re “strong” or “inspirational” and marvel at how you “hold it all together.” I hate this. I get very angry about it because I feel pressured by it…

READ MORE

THIS SO MUCH YES

I found your blog via Skyrim Confessions, and I just wanted to drop a message in your askbox to say you are gorgeous. It must be hard to go through something like that and still be able to go on with the same cognizant and strong attitude as you. I think people who are in bad health and must cope with it, in any possible case, are heroes. Again, I send you my best wishes. <3 Much love from a fellow girl Dovahkiin.

Fri, 17 May 2013 12:57:00 -0400

Thank youuuuu :D

skyrimconfessionss: “I was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive...

Thu, 16 May 2013 05:45:09 -0400

skyrimconfessionss:

“I was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive breast cancer in September of 2011. In October I started chemo, and soon found that just didn’t have the energy to go anywhere or do anything.

When Skyrim came out, it was my life saver, because I could escape and spend hours in this immersive world. Even if I didn’t have the energy to follow any quests, I would just “go for walks” around the landscape. Even just listening while someone else played felt soothing and meditative, because the music would lull me to sleep.

I sincerely thank the makers of Skyrim for helping me get through five and a half months of chemo, a mastectomy, and seven weeks of radiation.

It’s more than a year and a half later now, I’m (so far) cancer free… and I’m still playing Skyrim regularly.”

http://skyrimconfessions.com/

myillnessisinvisible: Leanne put this on the Facebook page....

Wed, 15 May 2013 05:21:34 -0400

myillnessisinvisible:

Leanne put this on the Facebook page. Thought I’d share it with you. - Yaz x

Photo

Tue, 14 May 2013 12:04:12 -0400

munchflower: I LOVE THIS FOREVER.

Tue, 14 May 2013 06:06:08 -0400

munchflower:

I LOVE THIS FOREVER.